You see, for many years, and especially as my thirties started to creep higher and higher, I was in dating denial. I thought I deserved a reward for holding out for The One. No way would I settle! That was a dirty word, one that I wanted nothing to do with. I’d seen my friends marry and divorce. That wasn’t going to happen to me. So, I made a list of everything I wanted, and it kept getting longer after every bad date. I wanted the whole thing to go exactly right

My ideal guy would be tall, good-looking, funny, kind, smart, successful, a non-smoker, a hiker, would not be glued to the television all weekend watching sports, would not wear track shorts and flip flops on a date, would tell good jokes, and would love to travel. My list was four pages long, front and back, and I was tired of writing it out. I wanted to manifest my man, but all that really did was keep me stuck in my own fantasy.

As you can see, I hated dating. The guys I met either did not live up to the guy I envisioned in my head, so I checked out, or had chemistry with me but would disappear or turn into a jerk. I’d rather sit in my apartment than deal with all that. My bad dates were making me crazy, calling into question all I thought about the world and what it owed me for being so patient. So why wasn’t it happening? Every disappointment made the walls a little higher, and every new date felt like another test

This is crazy thinking, of course, and completely counter-productive. The problem wasn’t with all the guys out there, it was with my approach. I had to take a step back and remember what I was really looking for, which was simple: love and connection. I wasn’t giving anyone a real chance, and I had built walls to protect myself from being hurt. I decided it was time to shift my thinking, slow down, and reassess what I really wanted. That meant letting go of some old beliefs I had been dragging